Diet is indeed the fastest route to a svelte shape. It is so much easier to cut out the extra calories than to spend the extra time in the gym burning those 500 calories, says Timothy Church, M.D., Ph.D., director of Preventative medicine research at the Pennington Biomedical Research center at Louisiana State University http://www.cardiometabolichealth.org .  Nice. But that sounded too easy didn’t it?!

Don’t give up your gym time just yet. Working out not only helps you burn more calories it also helps you consume fewer of them. A study published in the American Journal of Physiology found that 60 minutes of high-intensity cardio would trim your appetite for up to two hours afterward. “Aerobic exercise lowers gherlin levels and increases the amount of an appetite-suppressing hormone in your body,” says David Stensel, Ph.D. http://www.lboro.ac.uk Maximize your workout with intervals. Four minutes of moderate exercise followed by one minute of all out intensity for 30 minutes works wonders.

The beauty of the Nutrifit program is Keller and her team will devise a personal meal program based on the kinds of foods you prefer and your exercise regimen. Nutrifit provides fresh food delivered daily to your door. It’s an amazing program. I loved receiving my green food bags on my doorstep each morning. It was like opening a daily Christmas package. The food was portion controlled and divided up into six small meals throughout the day and outlined on a daily meal program sheet. Eating regulated portions in two to three hour intervals will keep your metabolism stoked all day long making your system utilize calories at optimal levels.

If you need an extra something to keep your diet on track, smelling food has been proven to fool your brain into thinking you’ve eaten. A recent study found that people who took a whiff of peppermint every two hours ate 2,700 calories per week than they normally did. That is a one-pound loss. Banana, green apple and vanilla also had the same affect. The more often you sniff these scents the more weight you’ll lose, says Alan Hirsch, M.D., neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago http://www.smellandtaste.org

If you tend to eat when you are stressed out hold your left nostril closed and sniff through the right one to activate the side of your brain where emotions are processed. It could help reduce your anxiety and your appetite.

At the end of the day the best way to lose weight is a healthy combination of exercise, eating right and a bouquet of peppermint leaves.

Just when you think it’s safe to take a bite the labels have you fooled. Here are a few foods in your grocery aisle that you should think twice about before tossing into your cart.

1. We love to snack on granola or granola bars. It’s one of my favorite treats but it is actually no less fattening than chowing down on an Oreo cookie. One Oreo cookie contains 53 calories, 3g fat.http://www.nabiscoworld.com/oreo/. While a chocolate chip granola bar contains 4g of fat.  If you look at the labels on granola bars you will see they contain high levels of high fructose corn syrup and other sugars, and some bars have as many as 10 grams of fat. If you love Oreo’s go for it…eat one.

2. Lean meats are an excellent source of protein. I much prefer white ground meats to reds. Ground turkey is a household favorite but it can sometimes contain more fat a pound of ground beef contains. Why not mix up your weekly meals and include both light and dark ground meats. Just be sure and check the labels to find the lowest fat content. Laura’s Lean Beef http://www.laurasleanbeef.com/ is a good choice.

3. Another place for serious diet sabotage is in the bread aisle. When you see a brown bread wrapper with the words multi-grain, wheat, or some other healthy description you probably automatically think, “healthy.” Yes and no. You’ll score higher in the healthy column by purchasing bread that is whole grain.

4. Energy and protein bars are marketing primarily to women who want to shape up and lose weight. These are a marketing geniuses best fake.  Beware, because oftentimes energy bars have as much sugar and fat as a regular candy bar. Better off having a Dark chocolate Reeces Peanut Butter Cup http://www.hersheys.com/products/details/reesespeanutbuttercups.asp. The peanut butter is a good protein source and dark chocolate is healthier than milk chocolate. Eat half for a special dessert treat.

5. The biggest deception dieters face is the “low-fat” fallacy.  Manufacturers may have taken out the fat, but that doesn’t mean the sugar is gone. Low-fat foods often contain loads of sugar that is converted into carbs in your body and pack on pounds, read the labels carefully.

Everyone’s favorite snack for example ‘ potato chips. These can be labeled all natural and seem like less of a guilty pleasure, but even natural potatoes become fattening when they get fried and coated with salt. So don’t be fooled by creative packaging. A marketing professional helped to design the package. Instead focus on the label that lists nutritional values.

Finally, watch your portions or servings. Most labels that offer calorie content information are based on a one half cup serving. Depending on what food you’re talking about, one half cup just might not be enough to satisfy you. So then, the calories you thought you were consuming, based on what you read on the label, have just increased.

My rule of thumb is not to diet and fall into the lowfat no fat trap. You need to change your way of life. Shedding pounds and staying healthy and fit is more about eating the right fresh foods (traditionally not packaged goods). The secret is portion control. It is healthier and more flavorful to eat all the regular full fat foods you like in smaller portions that chow down on a cardboard flavored cookie. Drink lots of water, eight 8-ounce glasses and exercising every day. Research has indicated that mid-life women need 60 minutes 7 days a week to lose weight. Get out and move your body.

In general, women have a higher risk than men of developing age related macular degeneration, an eye condition that can cause blindness. And blondes are more prone to the ailment than any others says Svetlana Kogan, M.D. founder of Doctors at Trump Place in NYC. http://www.dtpdoctors.com/about.html. A diet rich in the natural compounds lutein and zeaxanthan – found in kale, spinach and snow peas, can help fend it off. One cup a day is recommended for a healthy snack. Blondes also need to protect their skin from harmful UV rays because they do not produce as much Melanin as brunettes and redheads. Melanin is the skin’s natural sun burn protector. With less than the rest of us blondes are more susceptible to melanoma. A full spectrum SPF 30 sunscreen is a cover-up essential.

True brunettes hold on to your hair!  More than half of the 30 million American women with visible hair loss are brownies. Probably because brunettes produce less hair than their red and blonde headed sisters. Brown hair is thicker and coarser than the other colors so its genetics way of saying less is necessary. Unfortunately because there is less of it already, when brown hair dies it leaves behind more noticeable thin patches. Eating right can help keep your follicles intact and iron is a major vitamin in the fight against hair loss. Eighteen milligrams a day or one cup of oatmeal will do the trick, says dermatologist Joel Schlessinger, M.D., president emeritus of the American Society of Cosmetic Dermatology and Aesthetic Surgery, http://www.lovelyskin.com/dermatology/.

The good news for those with chocolate locks, men love brunettes. According to a Florida State University research study when it comes to long term relationships chestnuts are the chicks of choice. In the 3000 person study it was revealed that men find brunettes more trustworthy and reliable than blondes or redheads.

Girls with gorgeous ginger locks need more meds. huh? It has been found that red hair is actually the result of a DNA mutation that also makes these ladies resistant to general and local anesthetics, says Dr. Daniel Sessler, an anesthesiologist at the Cleveland Clinic. http://my.clevelandclinic.org/default.aspx. In fact, redheads may need as much as 20% more painkillers than blondes or brunettes.

Carrot tops also need to keep their brains in tip top working order. A recent Harvard study found that redheads have a 90% greater chance of developing Parkinson’s. Why? Same gene mutation. Fight for your head with a good multivitamin packed with folic acid, 400 micrograms a day is a good amount and a trip to the gym can’t hurt. Exercising also does wonders for keeping your brain sharp.

On the plus side redheads are seen as red hot lovers. They are passionate people and get a lot more action than blondes and brunettes. A recent Clairol study showed that almost 40% of people said that having a fiery mane is their dye of choice. http://www.clairol.com/cem/landing.jsp?id=41&previewId=450.

Take a look at the three most significant occurrences in your life that forever changed the path of who you ultimately became. These life altering events happen when we are a young child, a young adult and in adulthood.

My first life changer happened when I was two years old. One morning my birth father got up out of bed, packed up his golf clubs and moved out of our house leaving my mom with two young children and a weighty house payment. He never returned to be a part of our lives.

The second life changer happened around twelve years old. I believed to my core that people of substance only ate dinner after 6pm. I felt I was making the supreme sacrifice to eat a nanosecond before 5pm and would staunchly sit at the table without putting a bite of food in my mouth until the clock hit 5! It was at that moment in time I vowed to myself, that when I grew up I would be someone, someone important, someone with a real job, I would be a person who ate dinner at the sophisticated hour of 6p.

My final defining moment in my life came with the realization that my 12 year marriage was to be no more.

Can you name your three life changers and how they altered the course of your history?

Want to get a handle on your heart health? Stretch. That’s right. In a 2009 study researchers found that your ability to touch your toes is an indication of your cardiac artery health. Sit on the floor and extend your legs straight out. If you are limber enough to touch your toes then your cardiac arteries are probably flexible too. Supple arteries allow blood to move freely says researcher, Kenta Yamamoto, PHd at the University of North Texas health science center in Ft. Worth.

Not quite able to reach your twinkle toes? I know you know what’s coming next…then you gotta get your aerobic game on.  Endurance exercises such as walking, cycling, or swimming for at least 30 minutes a day will do the trick. Best of all, exercise doesn’t need to be extremely vigorous to be beneficial to your health.

Aerobics improves cardiovascular health because it helps you get a handle on high blood pressure and cholesterol. Walking, cycling and swimming puts positive stress on your muscles, bones, joints, heart, lungs and blood vessels that deliver the necessary oxygen for energy. The more you get your heart pumping the better the flow the better you feel. It is a happy self fulfilling prophecy.

Just think, a brisk walk around the block can help you people with high blood pressure to reduce both systolic and diastolic blood pressure. Blood sugar regulation improves, thus decreasing risk for Type II Diabetes or improving blood sugar control for people already diagnosed with diabetes. Exercise helps raise healthy HDL cholesterol, and helps lower blood triglycerides.

Guess what, a healthy by-product of getting your ticker jamming is the calories you’ll burn. For example, an hour of brisk walking burns about 350 calories. Once your metabolic rate increases, you will continue to burn calories even after you’ve finished exercising. Regular exercise helps reduce the amount of fat stored inside the abdomen area. Excess fat is this location increases the risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

Other side bene’s of a regular fitness routine is an improved outlook for arthritis, osteoporosis, insomnia, and diabetes can literally be eradicated. Exercise also helps prevent and treat depression, improve memory and problem-solving ability. It’s a great stress reliever and improves quality of life.

Convinced yet???

After your doc gives you the thumbs up, the best way to get started is to start slow. A 10-minute a day workout walking, swimming or cycling is best. If you got a few extra pounds and don’t want to stress your lower body too much the bike or swimming is best. After you get into a routine and shed a few pounds, a month to six weeks you can incorporate walking into your exercise regimen. Add two minutes to your daily routine every week until you max out at 60.

Mild to moderate exercise intensity is best. This can be determined by finding your target heart rate zone. Calculate your maximum heart rate by subtracting your age from 220. Your target heart rate is 60-75% of your maximum heart rate. In order to determine your heart rate, you must take your pulse. Taking your pulse: Using your middle and index fingers, locate your pulse on the thumb side of your wrist. Press lightly. Count your pulse for 10 seconds starting with zero. Multiply by 6. Too much work? Then take the talk test. If you can carry on a conversation without losing your breath you are in the zone. Keep it up! Be sure to do a solid three to five minute warm up and cool down within your 60 minute workout.

Once you get into the swing of exercising start to incorporate 2 to 3 days of strength training for a minimum of 20 minutes. Strength training helps women manage osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, and preserve muscle tissue. The beauty of this is the more muscle tissue you build the more metabolically active your body will become. Hello! You will burn more calories and lose weight. Who doesn’t love that!

The number of reported walking trips has more than doubled from 18 billion in 1990 to 42.5 billion in 2009. Bicycling trips saw a similar increase, from 1.7 billion to 4 billion during the same period. “Americans want and need safe alternatives to driving,” said Transportation Secretary, Ray LaHood, “By making biking and walking safer and more accessible, we’ll be able to provide Americans with more choices and help foster more active, livable communities.”

So ladies, there is no better time than now to channel your inner pedal power. Cycling tones your leg muscles, keeps joints healthy, increases blood flow and lung capacity. And of course, it’s great for burning up the cals.

Ever notice how long and lean cyclists are? That is the goal. Pedaling your two-wheeler is a great workout for your larger lower body muscles. It will strengthen your quads, hamstrings, glutes and calves. Cycling engages your shoulders and arms to tighten and tone without bulking up your upper body. Your core and spine are also at work when you pedal, keeping you balanced on the bike, especially if you challenge yourself on uneven terrain.

Spending time outdoors on a bike is breezy, beautiful and fun. It’s like burning calories without effort. For example a 150 lb women can kill an average of 140 calories for a moderate 20-minute ride. Kick it up a notch and try an intense bike ride and your calorie burn increases to 190 for a 20 minute ride. To really get your body going the best kind of bike workout is an interval ride that combines five minute moderate riding followed by intense three minute sprints for a total of 20 minutes.

Utilizing that infusion of government cash and an Obama inspiration my hometown of Long Beach is making an effort to be the most bike friendly city in the country. Last year they hired cycling, pedestrian and livable communities expert, Charles Gandy as our Mobility coordinator, http://www.charliegandy.com. Soon after Charlie’s installation the city’s transportation department quickly installed these cool green lanes in my local business district, Second Street, called “sharrows”. They are street lanes designed so bicycle riders and automobile drivers can peacefully share the road. Riders no longer have to fear the dreaded driver door ding and car commuters cannot pass bike riders on the road.

More exciting innovations for our fair city, in the next two months Long Beach will be creating Bike Boulevards and Bike Lanes to make it easy to travel from the East side of the city to Downtown. I can make this commute in a speedy 20 minutes each way. That is a good healthy dose of daily cardio! Encourage your local community to do the same. It’s a healthy living biking revolution in the making.

To see what else Long Beach has in store check out http://www.bikelongbeach.org and view the video to the right. Stay tuned as we update Bike Long Beach progress monthly!

We’re joking. My teenage daughter and I do not pound down drinks together, though we are behind a bar. What she has in her hand is a water bottle.

What is not a joke are the stats on teens and alcohol. It is by far the most used and abused drug among America’s teenagers.  According to a national survey reported by the Soundvision Foundationhttp://www.soundvision.com/Info/teens/stat.asp

nearly one third (31.5%) of all high school students reported hazardous drinking (5+ drinks in one setting) during the 30 days preceding the survey. They will spend $5.5 billion on alcohol which is more than they spend on soft drinks, tea, milk, juice, coffee or books combined. And sadly, Alcohol is the leading cause of death amongst teens.

Lets face it, no matter how much we parents deny it teen drinking is a fact and it’s not going away. It is how you handle the subject when talking to your kid that can lead to a good or bad decision.

Here are some important facts to discuss with your child.

1. Your teen needs to know the consequences of drinking alcohol. Not just the legal ramifications, the social, physical and personal consequences. They should know what it looks like to be drunk, how you sound to others and how ridiculous it looks. They need to know how it alters their mind, their judgment and possible rational decision-making abilities. As a mother of teen girls this fact here is a startling fact. Sixty percent of college women diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease were drunk at the time of infection. (Advocacy Institute, 1992)

2. I also like to tell teen girls how drinking affects ones appearance. It may seem surfacey and unimportant but that appearance is a big deal to teens and I like to use all the relatable ammunition. Blood shot eyes; a puffy face and extra weight from empty calories are some of the ugly results of drinking.  And every girl should know that an alcohol diet is not a good way to lose weight. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Ask your teen. It’s currently a very trendy weight loss technique.

3. Let your teens know what your expectation is about alcohol use. There should be strict enforcement about not having a drinking party in your family home. The down line affects of this uninformed decision can and will impact your child and you. Not only will your child get in trouble for serving alcohol to underage teens, as the responsible adult and homeowner whether you were in your home at the time of the party or not, you can be prosecuted, arrested and jailed.

4.  Everyone needs to monitor drinking and driving, not just your teen. An automobile is a weapon and driving drunk is tantamount to wielding a gun. No person, teen or otherwise, should get behind the wheel of an automobile with a blood alcohol level above .08. Make it clear that drinking and driving or riding with someone who has been drinking will not be tolerated. Ask your teen to call for a ride, take a cab, or call for permission to stay overnight if he or she or a friend who is driving has been drinking. This does not give teens permission to drink; it tells them that their safety is most important.

5. Frequently express how you feel about underage drinking. However, do not lecture or threaten your teen about alcohol use. These conversations should be sobering (no pun intended) and impactful. No need to threaten or punish just present the real and factual possibly even frightening. Nothing is more effective than stone cold reality. For example, approximately 240,000 to 360,000 of the nation’s 12 million current undergraduates will ultimately die from alcohol-related causes–more than the number that will get MAs and PhDs combined. (Eigen, 1991 in the 1998 National Household Survey on Drug Abuse).
6. Talk with your teen about ways to handle pressure from friends to drink. Teach your teen how to say “no” and to suggest doing something different (safe). To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest.

7. If you can help your teens develop outside interests. Encourage him or her to join a club, become a volunteer, get a part-time job, or become involved in sports it takes them out of the realm of alcoholic related activities.

8. When your teen wants to talk about alcohol, listen to his or her opinions, help him or her make good decisions, and treat him or her with respect.

9. Get to know the kids your teens hang out with at school. These peers will be a huge influence on their entire high school career. Know where they hang out and what they are doing. If it’s not the right crowd encourage your kids to find a different more like-minded group. Encourage them to get involved in school activities that will inherently draw them to a new group of kids.

10. Do not serve alcohol to your teen unless it is for a religious or appropriate occasion.  Lock your liquor cabinet if you feel you must. Kids should not feel that alcohol is a complete taboo. We all know what happens when you absolutely restrict an activity. It becomes just what someone will want to do. There are times when alcohol in moderation is acceptable. Mirroring this behavior for your teen is a positive.

11. Be a role model. If you drink, do so responsibly. Never drink and drive! Do not use alcohol as a way to cope with stress, depression, or anger. Alcohol can only make problems worse in the long run. If you have a drinking problem, or think you may have one, help is available. Talk to a health care professional or seek help.

Primarily important in the reproductive process, estrogen and progesterone work together to thicken the lining of the uterus to prepare for the possible implantation of a fertilized egg. Equally important estrogen also influences how our body uses calcium, an important mineral in the building of bones, and helps maintain healthy levels of cholesterol in the blood. Progesterone is a critical component in fetus development but it also works side by side in keeping estrogen in balance. Without it estrogen can become toxic. http://www.natural-progesterone-advisory-network.com/what-does-progesterone-do/

As menopause nears, the ovaries reduce their production of these hormones causing the infamous hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness and medical conditions such as osteoporosis. Hormone replacement therapy helps to replenish our hormonal balance thus relieving the ugly symptoms of menopause.

A study published in the January/February 2006 issue of The Journal of Women’s Health showed that the risk of heart disease demonstrated in earlier HRT research may have been related more to the advanced age of the participants as opposed to the HRT itself. The study further found that HRT given to younger women, at the onset of menopause, appeared to instead decrease the risk of heart disease.

Finally, a study published in the March 5, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association reported on study participants three years after they stopped combination HRT. They found that “many of the health effects of hormones such as increased risk of heart disease are diminished, but overall risks, including risks of stroke, blood clots, and cancer, can remain high and must be monitored.

I am here to tell you that for me HRT was a welcome relief from an unfamiliar and uncomfortable emotional rollercoaster. I’d cry at the bat of an eye and lose my cool for no good reason. I spoke to my doctor and he recommended a low dose combo HRT called Angeliq. It immediately took the edge off. Of course there is no pill replacement for exercise to help subjugate the physical affects of menopause. Over the long term being physically fit is the healthiest answer to combat the dark side of menopause. But it has been reported that in the short term women may reap more benefits than risks associated with not taking HRT. Discuss the risk/benefits and the best HRT combination with your doctor. Also understand that HRT does not prevent heart disease or minimize osteoporosis prevention but it can go a long way to easing you through the challenging days of the dreaded “M” phase of your life.

There is a new H2O in the market, one that promises to decrease the signs of aging and increase our bodies’ functionality, now that is a welcome relief my Gen Jones gal pals.

The product is called Evolv http://archaeaactive.com/

Aptly named it is not just any old cool clear drink of water. The secret ingredient in the product is Archaea Active™, a formulation 15 years in the making. Evolv looks and tastes like premium spring water BUT the Archaea Active formula demonstrated through in-vitro lab tests to provide increased oxygen utilization at the cellular level and promotes a healthy inflammatory response.

“What this all means,” says John Gustin, government water consultant and patent inventor, “is that Oxygen, the most important element in our survival, is transported more efficiently through your bloodstream to all the living cells in your body”. Your muscles will work at higher efficiencies allowing for better endurance, increased stamina, lower resting heart rate and faster recovery. Gustin went on to comment that, “the absorption of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, proteins and other important nutrients will get a super charge. Evolv water has also been clinically proven to help neutralize harmful toxins in cells, tissues and the bloodstream thus improving your immune system”.

What I love most about Evlov is the anti-aging benefits. Hydration is key to plumping up skin and minimizing wrinkles. Plus the peptides in Evolv water help fill out the collagen depleted cells in your bodies. That’s the same stuff your favorite PS uses to plump up your Angelina Jolie lips look a likes. Hydration has also been shown to prevent cognitive decline. Evolv’s Archaea Active makes the O2 more accessible allowing for better concentration, alertness and improved memory – we could all use a little of that!

Do you want to know more about Evolv water? You’ve got to talk to my friend Jonathan Colbert. He’s the guy that turned me onto this amazing product in the first place. He promised me to give you all special treatment. http://www.colbert.myevolv.com.

I dated a man several years ago who was undoubtedly the most honest man I have ever known. This guy was in serious serial dater mode. He was constantly on the hunt for new companions on his favorite dating site. He was so ridiculously predictable. He would call me on his way home from work, hang up sweetly when he hit his garage and within a matter of minutes he’d be logged in and surfing the eligible dating pool.

I could track his fishing expeditions, because on line dating sites are set up like that, so every time he logged in I knew what was going on. Every minute that he spent searching was like a battery of continual needle pricks to my heart. It shouldn’t have been though. He explained to me from the onset of our dating that he had recently come out of a long-term relationship where monogamy was part of the equation. He also emphatically told me that he was not interested in going there again. He wanted to date me but he did not want to be exclusive and he did not want to be monogamous. He broadcast his pronouncement loud and clear on his comfy couch following our third date.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, “I like you, but you need to know I am going to date other women. I know this is risky, but it is something I want to do. You can stay with me or not, that is up to you.” That is what he said, but that is not what I heard.

I really liked him so I never voiced my feelings, thoughts or concerns about his ground rules. Just like so many other women I know, I thought I would be able to change him.  I decided in my own mind that in spite of his desire to see other women, eventually I’d win him over and he’d be exclusive to me. I heard “this is a phase, I’ll get over it with time cuz I’ve been monogamous before and you’re just the woman to get me there again.” When we were together he was absolutely present, sincere, loving and attentive.  I imagined that I was the only one in his world, just as I had made him the only one in mine. I wanted to be faithful to him believing to my core that he would in turn feel the same about me. I really started to care for him and was resolved with my intention to win over all the other contenders. In hindsight, I realize my silent mission to make him mine was completely unfair. He had no idea what I was thinking or feeling. And you cannot will a person to be or do anything they are not intent on doing on their own accord.

I distinctly remember that close to the three-month mark, after an incredibly romantic Friday evening, he practically booted me out the door by two the following afternoon. He had ‘other plans’ that evening. I was devastated. How could he want to be with anyone else when it was obvious that we were PERFECT together! It hurt absolutely, but he was being true to his vow of non-monogamy. I went home to sulk, lick my wounds and watch my very own dating drama unfold. I turned on the computer to see when he logged on to his dating site and surfed the other available ladies.

Soon after that incident I gave him that worn out typical girl ultimatum. “Stop seeing other people or stop seeing me”. Interestingly enough he chose to log off the dating site. I thought I’d finally convinced him of my inevitable worth. What I didn’t realize was that his taking himself off the site didn’t mean he was exclusive to me or that he felt committed to our “relationship” in any way. The places I saw us going was all in my head.

A few weeks later he took a road trip with his son. When I called his cell to check in and say “hi” he neither picked up the phone nor returned the call…for days. I kept dialing hoping to connect with him instead I hooked into this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. When he finally did pick up the phone four days later, he was livid. His exact words were, “I told you I didn’t want an exclusive relationship and I don’t want to be obligated to anyone. I do not want to do anything that feels like an exclusive relationship and I did not want to return your call. I’m on vacation.” Wow, that was a sucker punch in the gut. I was devastated and I didn’t understand, I was only expressing concern and care for him. But the truth is – he was right – and I was wrong. He told me from the start where he stood on the relationship/commitment issue and how he saw fit to include me in his life.  I was not willing to hear or accept his honesty.

Had I listened and truly heard his words when he told me his truth at the start, I would have saved myself a lot of hurt and a load of tears. I could have set my own terms and conditions and my own parameters for my exclusivity with him. Maybe the “relationship” would have lasted as long as it did, and maybe not, but I clearly would have been more honest with him and with myself.

Today, I don’t assume or have an expectation. I don’t preplan, predict or premeditate what might be. I live in the here and now. When the time is right, the conversation clear and each person is truly being heard there is a world of possibilities for each.  The by-product of this newfound honesty is the freedom to be our true selves and to have a clear path toward living our lives independently and interdependently.

So, how do you hear the man in your life?