I dated a man several years ago who was undoubtedly the most honest man I have ever known. This guy was in serious serial dater mode. He was constantly on the hunt for new companions on his favorite dating site. He was so ridiculously predictable. He would call me on his way home from work, hang up sweetly when he hit his garage and within a matter of minutes he’d be logged in and surfing the eligible dating pool.

I could track his fishing expeditions, because on line dating sites are set up like that, so every time he logged in I knew what was going on. Every minute that he spent searching was like a battery of continual needle pricks to my heart. It shouldn’t have been though. He explained to me from the onset of our dating that he had recently come out of a long-term relationship where monogamy was part of the equation. He also emphatically told me that he was not interested in going there again. He wanted to date me but he did not want to be exclusive and he did not want to be monogamous. He broadcast his pronouncement loud and clear on his comfy couch following our third date.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, “I like you, but you need to know I am going to date other women. I know this is risky, but it is something I want to do. You can stay with me or not, that is up to you.” That is what he said, but that is not what I heard.

I really liked him so I never voiced my feelings, thoughts or concerns about his ground rules. Just like so many other women I know, I thought I would be able to change him.  I decided in my own mind that in spite of his desire to see other women, eventually I’d win him over and he’d be exclusive to me. I heard “this is a phase, I’ll get over it with time cuz I’ve been monogamous before and you’re just the woman to get me there again.” When we were together he was absolutely present, sincere, loving and attentive.  I imagined that I was the only one in his world, just as I had made him the only one in mine. I wanted to be faithful to him believing to my core that he would in turn feel the same about me. I really started to care for him and was resolved with my intention to win over all the other contenders. In hindsight, I realize my silent mission to make him mine was completely unfair. He had no idea what I was thinking or feeling. And you cannot will a person to be or do anything they are not intent on doing on their own accord.

I distinctly remember that close to the three-month mark, after an incredibly romantic Friday evening, he practically booted me out the door by two the following afternoon. He had ‘other plans’ that evening. I was devastated. How could he want to be with anyone else when it was obvious that we were PERFECT together! It hurt absolutely, but he was being true to his vow of non-monogamy. I went home to sulk, lick my wounds and watch my very own dating drama unfold. I turned on the computer to see when he logged on to his dating site and surfed the other available ladies.

Soon after that incident I gave him that worn out typical girl ultimatum. “Stop seeing other people or stop seeing me”. Interestingly enough he chose to log off the dating site. I thought I’d finally convinced him of my inevitable worth. What I didn’t realize was that his taking himself off the site didn’t mean he was exclusive to me or that he felt committed to our “relationship” in any way. The places I saw us going was all in my head.

A few weeks later he took a road trip with his son. When I called his cell to check in and say “hi” he neither picked up the phone nor returned the call…for days. I kept dialing hoping to connect with him instead I hooked into this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. When he finally did pick up the phone four days later, he was livid. His exact words were, “I told you I didn’t want an exclusive relationship and I don’t want to be obligated to anyone. I do not want to do anything that feels like an exclusive relationship and I did not want to return your call. I’m on vacation.” Wow, that was a sucker punch in the gut. I was devastated and I didn’t understand, I was only expressing concern and care for him. But the truth is – he was right – and I was wrong. He told me from the start where he stood on the relationship/commitment issue and how he saw fit to include me in his life.  I was not willing to hear or accept his honesty.

Had I listened and truly heard his words when he told me his truth at the start, I would have saved myself a lot of hurt and a load of tears. I could have set my own terms and conditions and my own parameters for my exclusivity with him. Maybe the “relationship” would have lasted as long as it did, and maybe not, but I clearly would have been more honest with him and with myself.

Today, I don’t assume or have an expectation. I don’t preplan, predict or premeditate what might be. I live in the here and now. When the time is right, the conversation clear and each person is truly being heard there is a world of possibilities for each.  The by-product of this newfound honesty is the freedom to be our true selves and to have a clear path toward living our lives independently and interdependently.

So, how do you hear the man in your life?

So how can you read the signs? Pay attention to a few of these clear body cues.

He’s scratching his nose or ears while he’s telling you a tall tale. When a man is afraid of being caught in a lie his heart rate will soar and blood rushes to his nose, ears and forehead creating an itch that must be scratched. If you want to get to the truth, stay calm and focused. Ask questions that sound more curious than inquisitory.  That way he won’t get defensive or clam up. Then let him blabber through the details, if you listen long enough his facts will become inconsistent and he might eventually get frustrated himself and just fess up.

Men do occasionally feel insecure. More than you think. A clear sign of this is if he holds on to one of his wrists. He may even pretend to be adjusting his watch. His arms are squarely across his body. He is protecting himself. Men like to feel like superheroes and all knowing. If they are confronted with an issue that they can’t work through right away they get defensive.  Rather than confronting him on the topic and hounding him for an answer give him space to work through it and manage it.  He’ll get back to you and he’ll be heroic.

He’s always holding on to something but it’s not you. It’s a clear sign that he is unsure of your relationship. There is a bold wedge between you and him preventing any kind of intimacy because if he’s got something in his hands and they are occupied than he can’t be touching you. There are two ways to go with this posturing. You can make him feel comfortable with his indecision by letting him know that no matter what he has to say you won’t be angry with him. If he is still keeping his distance then you must let him have his space. Let him go be on his own with no charge and hope that he comes around again.

He’s got some news and it’s not good. His mouth will tense up and his lips will press together. He is processing whether he should tell you or keep his mouth shut. Be neutral. When you see this posturing ask him what’s wrong in a very relaxed and open manner. Don’t judge just listen and maintain a non-committal posturing otherwise your guy will clam up and he may start spinning in another direction or not tell you the whole truth.

No matter what your man has to say the best reaction is to simply listen. I’ve learned over time that your first reactions might not always be the wisest. Everything is an evolution in time and nothing will change in a split second so sleep on it. Take 24 or 48 hours to figure out the best way to handle whatever it is that your guy’s dished out.

A new study out of Germany reported that women with younger husbands increase their chances of an earlier death. And I quote, “A woman who engages in a relationship with a man seven to nine years younger than her is 20 percent more likely to die than someone married to a man her own age. And when a cougar weds someone more than 15 years younger than her risk soars to more than 30 percent.”

“The greater the age difference, the lower the wife’s life expectancy,” Sven Drefahl of the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany, said. “The best choice for a woman is to marry a man of exactly the same age.” I’ve got news for you Sven, the minute we are born our chances of mortality are 100%!!! We are all going to die, that is just the way it goes. But how we live…ahh isn’t that’s what is truly important. If we take care of our health, find someone who makes us happy and fulfilled no matter what the age gap is that not the secret to a long and joyous life.

For years research has shown that women consistently outlive men in almost every society. Don’t trust research just visit any old age home anywhere on the planet and you will find the female to male ratio staggering. For those in the 65 to 74 age group, the ratio is 83 men for every 100 women. For those 85 and over, it drops to 44 men per 100 women. In more developed countries, like say HOLLAND where the study took place, the average life expectancy at birth is 79 years for women, 72 years for men. That’s about hmmm, seven years. So how about this hypothesis Sven, I would rather be in a relationship with a man 7 years younger and die at the same time, than to live 7 lonely years in an old age home without my man. Here’s another fact that has perplexed me for the last couple of years, my dad was seven years younger than my mom. He passed on three years ago and my mom, well, she is still kickin it, G-d bless her.  But she is very lonely without the love of her life. Please explain that phenom Mr. Drefahl.

Here are some facts that clearly point to a woman’s longevity no matter who she’s in a relationship with.

Women have more conservative behaviors. Men are more likely to smoke than women and are also more likely to take risks, making them more susceptible to life-threatening injuries. Biological differences also help to explain women’s higher longevity. Scientists believe that estrogen in women combats conditions such as heart disease by helping reduce circulatory levels of harmful cholesterol. Women are also thought to have stronger immune systems than men. We also have a higher pain tolerance, birthin babies, there is nothing more painful than that. And women are more likely to follow a prescribed health regimen.

Drefahl’s science project went on to say that men in May/December relationships increase their life span. A “sugar daddy” with a wife seven to nine years his junior is seven percent less likely to die early — probably because she’s more likely to nurse him in old age. Instead of subscribing to this carefree philosophy and letting someone else be your old age nursemaid, how about you guys take better care of yourself.

Researchers have found that the gender gap in life expectancy is narrowing for the wealthy and highly educated types. Better health care, diet, and being smart about risky activities can help men achieve a level of longevity closer to that of women.  Gentlemen, I challenge you to not go shopping for a mate 7 to 9 years your junior just because Sven says you will live longer regardless of your mutual happy quotient. Instead find the perfect woman for you no matter what her age and make each other happy!

Ruut Veenhoven, a Dutch professor from Rotterdam’s Erasmus University found after reviewing 30 studies carried out worldwide over 60 years, that the effects of happiness on longevity were “comparable to that of smoking or not”. It is that special flair for feeling good, he said, that could lengthen your life by between 7.5 and 10 years.

So what is better an unhappy union with a substantial age gap just for age sake or a happy union that is ageless?

It’s over. The angry barbs have flown, the terse accusations blown up and the day old trail of tears has dried. Your guy is gone but in the quite of your solitude the aching hurt remains. Your brain feels like it’s going to pop out of your skull, your stomach is on overdrive and you’ve not had a requisite eight hours of uninterrupted sleep in at least a week. Your friends and family tell you to get over him. He wasn’t worth it. You’re better off without him. All may be true but so are the aching feelings you are experiencing. It all cannot simply be dismissed like a snap. You are allowed to tell everyone, it’s not that easy, what you are feeling is “real” and although uncomfortable, completely normal. Tell them to chill and give yourself a break. What you are experiencing physiologically is your brain reacting to the break up. It is signaling your body to respond to the dumping as an actual “hurt”.

When you are in love certain areas of your gray matter are happily pumped on dopamine and oxytocine, hormones that give you a joyful buzz. When your guy blows you off your supply of feel good natural chemicals takes a nose dive, it gets replaced with a pile of unyielding stress hormones.

It’s a natural reaction. When any upsetting situation occurs your brain pumps out cortisol, epinephrine and other stress hormones, which, in limited quantity, help you, react quickly to dangerous situations like avoiding a car accident. But when a long-term upset, like heartbreak, happens, the stress hormones kick in to overdrive and can be harmful. The overabundance of cortisol tells your brain to send too much blood to your muscles, making them tense. This is helpful when trying to avoid that driver that just cut you off, but you’re not going anywhere. Instead your swollen muscles have no release. The chemicals in your brain cause headaches, a stiff neck and a tight chest. The cortisol also diverts blood away from your digestive tract, leaving you with an upset tummy. If all this weren’t enough, the over amped stress hormones play havoc on your immune system making you more susceptible to that all too familiar post-relationship stuffy nose.

There is a way to diffuse the negative hormone OD though and it is NOT Haagen-Dazs, old black and whites or drunk dialing your ex, those activities will only lead to more physical negatives. Calm your nervous system with some deep breathing and relaxation stretches. Then quell your crazy stress hormones with a healthy dose of aerobic fitness, like bicycling, running or swimming. Exercising switches on the release of endorphins in your brain. Or better yet, throw your healing into high gear and go out for a long walk with a friend, the oxytocin release from being with a favorite companion will turn up the burner on your happy hormones.

Fill the time that you would have spent with your ex experimenting with a new activity. Get involved with a local charity. That kind of giving back is a proven natural happy hormone booster. Sign up for those tennis lessons you could never fit in before or take a class at your local community college. Diverting your headspace to a new venture that diverts your focus and feeds your mind will leave little room to wallow in the past.

Whatever it takes to move your mind to into a happy place will ultimately cure your body aching blues.

On this most recent get together, he seemed to be at a relationship defining crossroads. Usually his stories involve the cavalcade of women that constantly parade in and out of his sexual consciousness.  Not one to settle for just one girl, this night he expressed exhaustion with the emotional wear and tear juggling his multi-liaison tempo. The energy required to keep up the various relationships that were all ultimately “wrong” for him was taking its toll.  He confided that he’s in a place in his life where he’d like to find his soul mate. WOW! Well it’s time then.  But there are some challenges to that mantra—Don’t WE know that, ladies. Finding the “right one” is no easy task. I’ve been searching for 10 years, no sign of him yet.

My friend, a man in his 50’s, told me the conundrum men his age face, when searching for Miss Perfect, is the struggle of finding a woman with just the right blend of brains and beauty. A woman in her 20’s who has the killer body can make the zing schwing, but these ladies lack the brainpower to keep his mind in the moment. Age appropriate women are more interesting and can hold a conversation, but when it comes to the hubba hubba factor, for he and his friends he finds it is often missing. He told me that the biggest flaw he sees in mature women is how they lose sight of taking care of their bodies. Their skin is rough, he complained and their tushies are on a slippery slope southbound. No matter how scintillating the conversation, a bounce in the bedroom doesn’t top his “must haves” list with these ladies.

He shared a story about a friend of his, a 56-year-old man, who’d been in a relationship with a 40-something woman.  Very age appropriate. Several months into dating she lost sight of her primp and his sexual interest waned; the kiss of death according to my friend. His friend ended the relationship. This man then moved on to a 21-year-old hottie. He chased her down for months with flowers, poems, and gifts. I only include these facts because when the man finally “landed” the girl, he realized she was not the prize worthy of such a pursuit. Once they’d done the early relationship requisite insatiable sex thing, they had nothing to TALK ABOUT! She had no desire to engage in a discussion about world politics, she had no interest in his business concerns and never picked up a newspaper to educate herself about anything outside the shopping mall. She was a vapid post teen.  At that point even the insatiable sex drive moved into a necessary Viagra OD haze for the guy. He’s considering reconnecting with his 40 something flame. What’s stopping him..skin and ass.

As I listened to my friends stories, I realized the “issues” are all SO fixable. With minor tweaks we Generation Jones fems can become THE women that will make these men melt.  Life has gifted us with years. That’s right, we’ve got a depth of life experiences to draw from to keep a lively conversation in play. We are mentally on a level playing field with these guys.  Our age provides us with a depth and knowledge that a young girl can’t possibly acquire in her short existence on this planet. Our brains are SOLID. What we need to take care of is our physical being, the skin, body and libido.

At 25 years old I started slathering on lotion, a rich emollient home blend, that I concocted to perfection. (Yes, I am working on formulating the product to share with all of you, but in the meantime a good OTC brand will do the trick). If your skin is really rough you may want to use a body exfoliant once a week for four weeks, to get rid of the top layer of dry skin, then follow-up with an all over body schmear.  In no time this five-minute daily morning must, will quickly make the rough skin issue a non con.

As for the saggy bottoms and sex drive, nothing works better than a healthy dose of cardio and a lower body workout. In as little as twenty minutes a day you can begin to transform your physique and pump up your heart rate.  Daily exercise will tone your muscles, speed up your metabolism and increase blood flow, which is critical to sexual arousal. In fact, research has shown that a 40 something woman’s libido is at its peak 20 minutes after a cardio workout. A combination of walking, squats, lunges and leg lifts will make the “bad ass” difference.

Ready to snag that man right out of a sugarbabies claws? Get moving! Check out my “Raising the Bar – Fitness Tips” monthly for the latest – no gym, no equipment – workout.

Lets start with a delicious and delicate lobster dinner. At first blush this seems like a wallet gloating boast. The fact that your man can pick up the tab for the pricey feast is impressive, but truth be told lobster is a great source of phosphorus, the kama sutra of minerals. Phosphorus helps keep vaginal tissues lubricated. For pre-menopausal and menopausal women this is a godsend. Wouldn’t you know just when we are getting a grip on our sexuality, estrogen levels begin to drop. This leads to vaginal tissue dryness and less elasticity which turns love making from heaven on earth to a hellish ouch. So, not okay!! A healthy dose of phosphorus will increase your comfort level and amp up your desire quotient. We like this. For a little extra somethin somethin add some carrots to your plate. They bring a burst of color to the meal and the added hint of beta-carotene raises blood levels of progesterone, giving an added boost pointing north on the desire meter. Very nice-everyone’s a winner.

Next on the agenda, take your relationship back to the beginning. Oddly enough, this is the best way to keep things fresh. If the first date was in a coffee house, you gotta make sure to include regular java jolts to your mental foreplay. Whatever scent dominated that first date and made the two of you feel frisky will do the trick again and again. Maybe that’s why first dates always start at a Starbucks? Or is it that the quick getaway strategy? Sorry I digress. Reintroducing the overpowering smell from the first arousal of the past to a similar situation in the present will create the same sexual charge. That’s because the part of the brain that handles scent also manages our emotions. Amazing, right.

Another lusty lovemaking sure bet is the traditional lighting of aromatic candles. Did you know that if you pick the right smell your sexual sensitivity would soar? The top choice, nope not lavender, that’s good for sleeping, the best calming scent is green apple. I know, go figure. The clean fresh smell is relaxing giving romance comfortable ease and grace. According to Alan Hirsch, M.D., director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago the one odor to stay away from is cherry. It tends to inhibit sexual arousal. Hah! Warrant got it wrong.

Chocolate on Valentines.  Seems so ho-hum and predictable.  The truth is it is a very sexy gift. Chocolate contains a positively stimulating amino acid called L-arginine. L-arginine is the precursor of nitric oxide, which aids in the relaxation of blood vessels. The effect is better blood circulation in the body, especially in the extremities. Warm and toasty all over, especially in your feet and toes, has been shown to increase the likelihood of your orgasm by 30%. Better extremity blood flow is obviously great for your guy and that is good for you too.

How about a time-honored moonlit skinny dip. Seductive yes? YES. Women are far more sexually responsive twenty minutes after vigorous exercise. Research indicates that exercise may increase sexual drive, sexual activity and –TADA- sexual satisfaction. Furthermore, a Harvard University study found that swimmers between the ages of 40 and 60 showed a positive relationship between regular physical activity and the frequency and enjoyment of their sexual encounters. Need I say more!

Go ahead then; enjoy some old fashioned romance.

But then I found that the idea of rotating dates had validity. Much like “The Bachelor” reality TV show, if you are seeing several people at the same time you have the opportunity to compare and contrast. I am in no way condoning several simultaneous sleeping partners. Personally this is not my preference.  But I’m not judging you if that panics your disco. What I do believe is seeing a couple of different men allows for a better barometer. It also gives you the ability to make a wiser decision when it comes to choosing Mr. Right. I think you absolutely must be honest, just like they do in “The Bachelor”, and let each of your planners know you are dating other people. Then of course they can decide if they can take the heat, get out of the kitchen or see you and other people too.

There was a time, shortly after seeing the play I quite unexpectedly fell into the exact same circumstance. I was dating a couple of perfectly delightful men. I was very busy!  After seeing each of them two or three times I began to see what I liked about each and what I didn’t like, qualities I felt were livable and ones that I thought in the long run would create a rift. At times I wished I could blend all the right things about each of them into one perfect match – but of course that was unrealistic. In any event I had a lot of fun with each.  I relished every exquisite dinner, football game, outdoor concert and opera I was invited to attend. One of them arrived on my doorstep with two-dozen long stem red roses. The following week another showed up with a delicate bouquet of pinks. My ego was soaring and my house looked like a floral shop. Every time I looked at a flower I smiled. I was enjoying the journey. I got it. I understand the true essence of the four man plan.

Ultimately I think I knew on some level that none of those guys were Mr. Right. As one solidly became Mr. Wrong or Mr. No Way, I replaced him with another potential Mr. Right. Being a single woman in the dating world should not be a chore.  You should never feel as though you are on a desperate hunt for “the one”.   If each time you meet someone you immediately try to fit that man into the Mr. Right mold, you will continually be disappointed. There has to be ease to the process, a natural blending of lives. It will happen but you cannot force it. That being said, you also don’t have to be frustrated and miserable along the journey.

Don’t be so focused on the end game that you forget to enjoy the journey.

Singledom can be entertaining. Have fun and let each of your four-man planners treat you to something they enjoy. If he flies a plane – go flying, if he likes to golf – let him teach you, if he’s a wine expert – learn the nuances of a fine cabernet.  Experience a new flavor at his favorite restaurant or go to a concert where the band he loves is playing.  Perhaps he’s a brilliant businessman, ask lots of questions and figure out his success strategies. Revel in the first few dates of really getting to know each of these men and their world. Remember there is something for you to gain from every person you meet. They don’t all have to be Mr. Right they can be Mr. Fun. Don’t miss out on the gifts life has to offer by myopically focusing on the end game.

The day I met the guy I knew WAS Mr. Right, it was so clear. I was confident about only seeing him because all my four man experiences led me to know he was what I wanted. I didn’t feel like I was making crazy compromises because he was my ONLY choice. He was the right choice. I’d had a good time with all of my four man planners but this guy had so many of the qualities I wanted in a man the natural attrition of the others led to an exclusive relationship. And making the commitment to see only him was easy.

When Mr. Right shows up he will fluidly blend into your life.  Don’t stress, when you least expect it… it will happen.

Would you date a plumber or are you holding out for the investment banker? What if you found out the plumber was worth millions and the investment banker rented a room in a house with seven other people sharing a communal bathroom. Is the man a high school teacher with a heart of gold or a real estate developer who takes the last bite? I have got to be honest, I’ve been presented with these kinds of scenarios in my dating journey and I’m not positive I have always made the best choices.

You ladies know what I’m talking about, it’s date profiling. How do you evaluate the man and are you using the best criteria?  Shouldn’t a date/mate be assessed for their inner qualities instead of their wallet stack or job title? Do you think the top line, quick stats you see on the first page of an on-line profile or the download your friend shares before she hooks you up on a blind date tell the deeper story?

I do know someone who definitely made a wiser choice than I did and most likely better than a lot of us. My mom. She set a beautiful example in finding her true soul mate, my dad. When she met my father in 1962 he was a recent immigrant to this country, a holocaust survivor and Israeli soldier. He endured one of the most horrific atrocities exacted against a race of  people, followed that up with a good freedom fight for the burgeoning Israeli state and then traveled to the US to find  his fortune.  This was no meager man. But he did not have a penny to his name, he had no formal education beyond elementary school, worked manual labor, and spoke a rough and ready English at best. On paper he was hardly the pick of the litter.  If he were a prospective date in today’s market, as a match.com profile, he’d likely be a low level choice.

A mutual acquaintance introduced my mom to this FOB guy and sparks flew. Within months they were living together. Yep, mom’s progressive. Most of my mother’s friends told her she was crazy for pursuing this man. But she saw something different in him. The more she got to know him the more she came to love and respect him. Whenever I would question her about her choice she always told me “I knew he had more integrity in his pinky finger than most men had in their entire bodies!” She was right.

My father enveloped my mother with the purest love any one person can give to another. His love wasn’t a shower of gold and jewels or lots of fancy vacations to exotic destinations. His was a deeper more powerful love. It was a cascading waterfall of thoughts and actions affection. He would warm up my mothers car on cold brisk New England mornings so she wouldn’t have to get into a cold vehicle to run her errands, he soothed her aches and pains without her having to ask, lifted her heavy chicken soup pot when she was too weak to carry it, colored her hair so she’d never be gray and fixed a broken anything in her house – no “honey do” list necessary. My mom said she never felt alone with my dad. And most importantly, she was never afraid.  Side by side she was confident they could persevere through any personal crisis and together they could accomplish anything. Even on his deathbed, while the morphine drip masked the pain of his massive heart attack, my father went over the details of his routine house chores that he knew he wouldn’t be able to do for her while he was in the hospital. He wanted to make sure everything ran smoothly for her. My father dedicated his life to his wife. She came first and she knew it. What an amazing feeling that must be.

So what do you look for in choosing a mate? Is it his job title, bank account, and biceps or is it his heart, his integrity and his spirit?

Who are those brilliant marketing executives who decided they could make us single people miserable? For the past 9 years I have spent the two weeks leading up to the fateful Feb 14 date dreaming of other places I could be. Just don’t want to face another Valentines Day SINGLE. Aww for gawd sakes, it’s time to get over it already. I have mastered the going to wedding with no +1. I can even enter a roomful of pairs at a party and manage to hold my own in a couplecentric conversation. Why should a silly fabricated holiday, that is truthfully nothing more than a clever marketing ploy to sell diamonds, flowers and greetings cards, hold me back from my perpetual happy.

With that in mind single people rejoice! You are not being conned or cajoled into purchasing anything. Instead consider Valentines to be your solo mio 24 hour window of personal pleasure. It is your take no prisoners, make no compromises, commitments be damned joyous day. You are tethered to no one.

Here are some anti-Valentine day indulgences I would like you to consider.

1. It’s a day of vast opportunities. You can pick and choose to spend your valentines with anyone you want and maybe even several anyone’s you want. You have no obligation to any one person.

2. One is NOT the loneliest number! Being single is not a reflection of your “lovability” it’s a personal preference. If you wanted to spend Valentines with a significant other you could, you simply choose to leave your options open.

3. Love yourself first. Self indulge with reckless abandon. You are in the enviable position of having no one to answer to and no one to cater to but you. Get a massage, try a new facial, or do a mani, pedi AND a bikini wax. Anything you wouldn’t normally treat yourself to – just do! The cash you are not spending on someone else is strictly for your enjoyment.

4. If you just lost a loved one or went through a recent break up go easy on yourself. It’s okay to feel the loss, but then you also have to promise to balance it with the bliss. Keep in mind that the future holds abundant possibilities.

5. Feeling amorous. Sign up now for any one of the bazillion on-line dating sites. There is literally one that caters to every interest and they usually offer a 30-day free trial. There are lots of other singles just like you looking for love. If you sign up today you could have a date by Valentines Day.

6. Get excited about reconnection. Take some time to surf facebook, Linked-in or one of the other social networking sites to find old friends and flames – you never know what might develop.

7. Most importantly celebrate the loves you do have in your life. Spend the day with family and friends.

Is fibbing about ones age deceit or a woman’s prerogative?

It is just a thing with me, a huge thing. As I’ve gotten older my calendar age has become increasingly more difficult to actually say out loud. So what if I slightly embellish just a few clicks to the south of true center. It’s not a big deal. I mean really, what are a few years between friends? The number I confess to be is in no way a reflection of who I am as a person.

That is what I truly believed — until last week. Until the person I had fallen in love with, “the one” I thought, broke up with me, because I put out my real age, the age I feel best represents me. His visceral reaction to my perpetual “sin” sent me into a tailspin. I vacillated between — why should it matter? I cared for him so completely and I really wanted to make this relationship work. That is what is important, right? How dare he judge me for such a minor infraction! AND then I would consider his side; I totally get where he is coming from and accept that no matter what a lie is a lie. And if you can lie about a small thing what will you do with a big thing.

I couldn’t just let it go though and needed to know what others thought. I questioned a myriad of people about this fem age dilemma, which elicited a variety of interesting and thought provoking perspectives on the matter.

The Women said…

“It shouldn’t matter because an age lie is a little white lie it doesn’t hurt anybody. Like when you tell someone they look great in a sweater — but they don’t. Or when you tell your boyfriend that was the best sex ever — but it wasn’t”.

Got it.

“Any man who has the nerve to ask a woman her age is a loser and uncouth. The subject is taboo everybody knows that!”

Of course!

“If a man is attracted enough by your look to have sex with you, then age should not even factor in his equation”.

Yeah! That’s right!

“Had the tables been turned and he lied about his age would you break-up with him?”

Probably not.

“Saying you are younger than your age is NOT a lie it’s just a fact, no woman ever tells her true age”.

Has merit.

“Did you ask him how much money he had in his bank account? No. So why did he think it was ok to ask you your age!”

You know she’s right…that is a NO CLASS question. Clearly not coming from a loving place.

Male thoughts on this….

“I have to know a woman’s age because I need to know whether I want to date her or not”

Really..That’s what matters?

“Women my own age have no energy”.

Does this guy know that women outlive men by an average of 7 years!

“Women my age just can’t keep up with what I want to do”

Are you sure? Women are extremely proficient multi-taskers.

“They just don’t want to do anything fun anymore”.

Oh, this is SO not true.

“They just don’t take care of themselves and they look frumpy it makes ME look old.

Alright, I have heard enough! You need to be the master of you.

Why do women hide there age

What the men I interviewed said is indicative of the male population mindset. The ugly truth is the world is an unforgiving place for women of a certain age, especially single women of a certain age. A woman’s viability as a sexual being seems to come with an expiration date. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Adding or subtracting a few years just to stay in the game seems to be the only logical solution. It’s a calculated risk, certainly. But I think there is a way to make this numbers game legit.

Real age is my mantra

I believe we should be judged by how we take care of my mind, body and spirit. A 45 year old who smokes and drinks could biologically be 65 and a 54 year old who regularly exercises and eats right could biologically be 45.

There is a website I love called real age, www.realage.com, which is endorsed by Dr. Oz. On the site is a questionnaire you fill out that determines your biological age based on health and lifestyle factors. Granted you do have to plug in your calendar age. But using that as a baseline the test asks you questions about your general health, habits, relationships, diet and fitness to determine your real age. The test takes about 20 minutes and is about 20 pages. I took the test last night and scored 8.9 years younger than my calendar age. Rock on! I propose we all live by this yardstick. If we take good care of ourselves we truly can be as young as we feel. So how old am I? My REAL AGE, well, I’m a proud gen jonser born between 1954 and 1965.

Is that a lie?

What do you think? I’d love to hear what YOU have to say.