A few years back my friend and I saw a play called “The Four Man Plan”. The essence of the story was about a single woman looking for Mr. Right. Until she was convinced that he had truly arrived at her doorstep, she kept a constantly rotating board of four eligible men. If one fell off the board for any minor infraction, he was immediately replaced with another. She always had choices and was never left solo. Yes, it was a comedy. My first reaction was this is a juggling nightmare! How do you keep them straight? What if two of them are both named Jeff and you can’t distinguish one Jeff from the other on the phone? How can one woman possibly be available all that time and maintain a life outside of dating!?
But then I found that the idea of rotating dates had validity. Much like “The Bachelor” reality TV show, if you are seeing several people at the same time you have the opportunity to compare and contrast. I am in no way condoning several simultaneous sleeping partners. Personally this is not my preference. But I’m not judging you if that panics your disco. What I do believe is seeing a couple of different men allows for a better barometer. It also gives you the ability to make a wiser decision when it comes to choosing Mr. Right. I think you absolutely must be honest, just like they do in “The Bachelor”, and let each of your planners know you are dating other people. Then of course they can decide if they can take the heat, get out of the kitchen or see you and other people too.
There was a time, shortly after seeing the play I quite unexpectedly fell into the exact same circumstance. I was dating a couple of perfectly delightful men. I was very busy! After seeing each of them two or three times I began to see what I liked about each and what I didn’t like, qualities I felt were livable and ones that I thought in the long run would create a rift. At times I wished I could blend all the right things about each of them into one perfect match – but of course that was unrealistic. In any event I had a lot of fun with each. I relished every exquisite dinner, football game, outdoor concert and opera I was invited to attend. One of them arrived on my doorstep with two-dozen long stem red roses. The following week another showed up with a delicate bouquet of pinks. My ego was soaring and my house looked like a floral shop. Every time I looked at a flower I smiled. I was enjoying the journey. I got it. I understand the true essence of the four man plan.
Ultimately I think I knew on some level that none of those guys were Mr. Right. As one solidly became Mr. Wrong or Mr. No Way, I replaced him with another potential Mr. Right. Being a single woman in the dating world should not be a chore. You should never feel as though you are on a desperate hunt for “the one”. If each time you meet someone you immediately try to fit that man into the Mr. Right mold, you will continually be disappointed. There has to be ease to the process, a natural blending of lives. It will happen but you cannot force it. That being said, you also don’t have to be frustrated and miserable along the journey.
Don’t be so focused on the end game that you forget to enjoy the journey.
Singledom can be entertaining. Have fun and let each of your four-man planners treat you to something they enjoy. If he flies a plane – go flying, if he likes to golf – let him teach you, if he’s a wine expert – learn the nuances of a fine cabernet. Experience a new flavor at his favorite restaurant or go to a concert where the band he loves is playing. Perhaps he’s a brilliant businessman, ask lots of questions and figure out his success strategies. Revel in the first few dates of really getting to know each of these men and their world. Remember there is something for you to gain from every person you meet. They don’t all have to be Mr. Right they can be Mr. Fun. Don’t miss out on the gifts life has to offer by myopically focusing on the end game.
The day I met the guy I knew WAS Mr. Right, it was so clear. I was confident about only seeing him because all my four man experiences led me to know he was what I wanted. I didn’t feel like I was making crazy compromises because he was my ONLY choice. He was the right choice. I’d had a good time with all of my four man planners but this guy had so many of the qualities I wanted in a man the natural attrition of the others led to an exclusive relationship. And making the commitment to see only him was easy.
When Mr. Right shows up he will fluidly blend into your life. Don’t stress, when you least expect it… it will happen.
